The death match of the century

Caricature from award-winning illustrator Jon Berkeley.

The Death Match of the Century:
Ariel Sharon
versus
Yasser Arafat

MTV junkie Leonard, in a rare moment of reflection, checks out the preparations for this momentous event

This is the event that will justify the existence of all coach-potatoes around the world. Not just the ordinary nicknames of your neighbor's bulldogs, Sharon and Arafat will be given the chance to end centuries of hostility between Israel and Palestine.

As peace talks between the two nations began to crumble and hostility between the two countries escalated to new levels of violence, the desperate Bush was at his wits end till one day, he saw his grandchildren watching celebrity death match on MTV.

"I remembered the day. It was also the day when I was thinking of resigning from the presidency. My grandchildren were unusually quiet so suspecting some mischief, I went into the living room and saw that they were simply mesmerized by the television. I sat on the floor with them and watched celebrity death match and BINGO! I sincerely thank MTV and will consider making it into a national cultural icon for its contribution to world peace."

Bush's enthusiasm for peace to be established between the two nations, was greeted with joyous shouts and skepticism from the two enemy camps. The rightist wing in Israel cheered the bold and confrontational move. "We are finally making progress!" yelled a youth who celebrated the coming event with a few rounds from a machine gun, getting his own foot shot in the process. Other Israelis were skeptical on how effectively this event will bring peace to their nation . "What makes you think that if Sharon won, the Palestinians will quietly concede to the result? They are such sneaky b******."

In an interview with several Palestinians, a similar concern was expressed among all the members of the group. "We have been fighting for so long and still there is no peace. The American b******s now think they can get involve and let Israel win. Well we'll..." The reporter remains uncertain to this day whether at that very moment, he was knocked unconscious or the television set was turned on.

The leaders of the two nations have closeted themselves from the press. Word has it that Jackie Chan was seen in Israel recently and Mohammed Ali along with Tyson were seen at the Palestinian airport. It is also rumored that Sting will be composing the theme song for this event. He was also not available for comment but many music critics have speculated that whatever the song might be, it will be in a good running for the coveted title "Song of the year" for the upcoming Grammy Awards ceremony.

As for all MTV junkies, the significance of this event has not escaped them. Potage, the dude who broke the World Guinness book of record for the longest hours of television watched by an individual, was quoted to have said, "Yeah sure I know who these people are. Didn't they appear on the Jay Leno show once?"